I’m Sorry, That Toy Has Been Disappeared

We’ve all done it.  Inevitably, at some point in our parenting journey, a toy enters our home and proceeds to drive us insane.  In my experience, the more obnoxious the toy, the more the kids adore it and want to play it all. day. long.  Often, these toys will not have any kind of volume control.  If they do, and you DARE use it to get some relief, it will be .0005 seconds before a distraught child is coming up to you and pleading with you to “fix puppy!! FIIIX PUPPYYYYYY!!!”

Well, folks, I have a wonderful solution to this problem we all have from time to time.  It’s a handy little website I like to call craigslist.  You see, unsuspecting, doting parents will totally take the annoying toy off your hands…and get this: they will even PAY you for the privilege.  It’s a beautiful, beautiful thing.

The trick here, and I speak from experience, is to remove the offending plaything under the guise of night.  To be frank, Fido must never be seen by its owner again.  If the child sees it, you may hear things such as, “IS THAT MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT????  OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, THAT’S WHERE YOU WENT!!!!!  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!”  At this point, you will have to concede defeat temporarily, maybe for a week, and then repeat the process.  You could always try distraction; for example, shouting, “WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” and throwing your child in the air multiple times may work to divert her attention.  However, this typically only works on children under two years of age; if they’re older, you will probably find yourself back at square one.  Usually, if there’s a setback such as this, I find that the parent is all the wiser the next time around.  Parenting is all about learning from your mistakes.

As for managing to show the toy to potential buyers without the child noticing, well, I’ve got nothing for you there.  Good luck with that one!  Of course, there is always Goodwill!

Just remember, dear reader, when you’re in the toy aisle at the store, ask yourself: “Can I see this toy grating on my nerves if it’s played over and over?” “Will I get sick of this song quickly?” “Will this toy drive me to lock myself in the bathroom and cry great, heaving sobs?”  If you answer yes to any of the above questions, do yourself a favor and DON’T BUY IT.  If it’s a deal that you just can’t pass up…well, then, buy it and give it to someone you only pretend to like.  😉

Be a good pretend friend, though, and send them a link to this article so they know how to get rid of it.

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